Sunday, October 18, 2009

How I quit smoking

Upon waking I rode a bike, yet again changing my routine in my 3rd day of not having a cigarette. All week the days have been on and off rain throughout the day and night, a series of cloud formations. Yesterday while Frederick and I were driving the Banfield, the cars on the road ahead appeared to float through glowing white mist or a haze of golden snow that you sometimes encounter in the winter, that feeling of being snowblind, but the storm was behind us already and above was bright sunshine and clear skies as if a day in July.

I rode the 27 speed around this northern residential neighborhood and spotted a cute cottage where a lonely realtor was sitting in front of his laptop working at a cafe table in the dining nook. The previous owner had entirely remodeled the house. There was a gas burning fireplace in the intimate living room, nice earth tones bordered by white trim, hardwood floors, parque in the kitchen, new tiling in the bath, two bedrooms with the master looking into a small back yard (though I didn't take the time to look) ... essentially a modest model home listed at $169k. Maybe one day I'll have some sort of job stability that would make such a purchase realistic, but for today just not smoking is enough.

Since I am unemployed I have been trying to make progress on projects that before I felt too stressed out to do, such as quitting smoking. Now I am becoming expert at the art of relaxation. To be perfectly honest, the last thing I need right now is the stress of a new job, but I will take it if comes.

I apply for jobs that actually interest me and explore my interests in my personal life as well, and still I have time to dream, watch classic and recently classic movies that I have missed and books that I haven't read. I am making a conscious decision not to stress about anything, anything at all. And I have the support of my boyfriend, a non-smoker never having picked up the habit since he saw his mother suffer from it.

I'm setting some new goals. One of those is blogging daily, inspired lately by Gerald Sindell's perfect joke, Andrew Sullivan's The Daily Dish map of the day mapping the McFarthest Point, and the processing of events such as "Balloon Boy," perhaps in the context of Baudrillard's "hyperreal." So instead of having a cigarette, I'll be biking, taking nature walks, eating better, treating myself better, living simpler, and writing and reading more. It's very unstressful here these days.

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